Not every old movie has a stage musical begging to burst out of it. Take Mystic Pizza, the 1988 romantic dramedy best remembered for showcasing a galaxy of future stars like Julia Roberts (pre-Pretty Woman) and which has now inspired a lackluster stage musical that opened Sunday at New Jersey’s Paper Mill Playhouse. Sandy Rustin’s book has a lot of ground to cover, including three parallel love stories, but she doesn’t go far enough to streamline the story, particularly in the clunky first act.
The music – a selection of mostly ‘80s radio hits listlessly arranged by Carmel Dean – seems like it’s been pulled from a period playlist left on shuffle. We get multiple reprises of Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” and Wilson Phillips’s “Hold On,” of course, generic pop ditties which the three lead actresses deliver with appealing harmonies and tone. But all too often the songs stop the narrative momentum to leave you scratching your head. Goody-two-shoes Kat (Alaina Anderson) and her older, married crush (Ben Fankhauser) connect on Van Morrison’s 1970 ballad “Into the Mystic” – a choice that only seems on the nose title-wise because it’s completely unrelated to the story, the characters, or the mood of the scene. Meanwhile, good-time-gal Daisy (Krystina Alabado) unleashes Melissa Etheridge’s “I’m the Only One” in a jealous rage after spotting her posh preppy boyfriend (Vincent Michael) with another woman – but the unaltered lyrics don’t match the moment, perhaps because we’ve only just seen them hook up for the first time in the previous scene.
The randomness of the musical numbers might not matter if director Casey Hushion staged them with more verve and ingenuity. Kat and her crush don’t even look at each other for most of their second-act duet, ironically titled “When I See You Smile,” while the hard-working ensemble spends more time rolling set-pieces on and off stage than they do in actual dance breaks. When we do get flashes of Connor Gallagher’s choreography, as in the wedding-reception finale, it’s like a sped-up version of one of those TikTok ‘80s dance compilations that rushes from the Sprinkler to the Snake to the Kid ‘n Play without elevating any of the moves. Despite a standout comedic performance by Deánna Giuletti as the sex-positive chatterbox who scuttles her wedding by fainting at the altar, Mystic Pizza is more of a too-thin slice than a deep dish.
Read my full review in the upcoming March issue of UK-based Musicals magazine. ★★☆☆☆
MYSTIC PIZZA
Paper Mill Playhouse, New Jersey
Running time: 2 hours, 20 minutes (no intermission)
Tickets on sale through February 23